j-a

You would think by now, I would know my way around,
I shouldn’t miss you so badly, I should be on familiar ground.
How many more lonely years, must meander by,
until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.
What manner of iron will, must some people possess,
to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.
Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,
they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.
Perhaps I’m only homesick, for all the joys that once were mine,
I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.
But I know that deep within my heart, there’s a place where only you reside,
and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows that is where I hide.
So if sometimes it seems to you, I’m clinging to the past,
it’s mostly because I can’t yet accept, that our love didn’t last.
No matter how hard I try, I’ve yet to get over you,
for the part of me that’s still alive, believes you love me too.
Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,
and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.
And what a splendid day that will be, when I awaken to discover,
I’m happily learning a great new land, with a great new friend and lover.

- Prometheus

Hear ye! Hear ye! This is a story of a man… Okay. I seriously suck at this kinda introductions but here’s the thing. A friend of mine has been going through some rough patches in his love life and he wrote me something that briefly described his experiences (and he’s been kinda suicidal ever since). He’s not the kinda guy that chills a lot and he cares too much about how people would think of him. He asked for my help and he’s desperate to know what kinda impression he’s actually making on the people around him. He’s not from around here and he wants to know what strangers would think. So… Here goes…

"… A girl once tried to tell a man that she loved him. He, on the other hand, was still a fool at heart, childish in his ways. He thought he was certain of his motives, as she did. Yet for what they thought was love, sacrificed they did everything they possessed just for some cheap counterfeit of love. Into their own homes they invited a thief mistaken as a guest. And as they plunged and indulged in each other in a stolen marriage bed, the thief stole everything, destroyed the house, and burned it down with a curse, letting the couple suffer as the fumes consumed them alive. She was a fool to think that she acted out of love, but he was a fool greater to insist staying. It was her who saved them both… And it was her that truely loved him. For he only knew self-gratification, she left. That man was me. It’s too late to regret. If there is anything that I could do to qualify my love for her, perhaps letting her leave is the best thing I’ve ever done to demonstrate how I really felt… Stagnant my life lay; motionless it went by as every inch of me dwells in the pit of my own self-pity. Entrapped by perpetual stupidity and fear, life has no meaning to this wretched soul tortured by its own feelings of self-wothlessness. Numbed I became as months went by; meaning of tears I knew no more…"

People, what is your honest verdict or advice? I don’t really know what to say to him since he’s tired of hearing the "same old shit", to put it in his words… But I don’t wanna lose him as a friend. For those of you who know who my friend is and have helped, I couldn’t thank you more. Kindly refrain from revealing any details.

(This is something I wouldn’t actually put in cyberspace..)

Everyone has done something silly out of pure curiosity and foolishness, especially during childhood. Boys would try shaving their faces and girls would attempt to fit their mom’s overly sized clothes onto their tiny bodies. What blissfully stupid years… *memories*

They say curiosity killed the cat, but to a kid like me, "Who cares?!" One fine day I took an opportunity to try my mom’s make up (who said boys only used their fathers as models huh?) when my whole family wasn’t around. I was only about seven then. Make up looked fun at that time (I still think it is… But i hate make up) and since my mom always looked pretty after make up, I simply used logical reasoning and deduction that it would do the same wonders to men. SO looked through my mom’s drawer and scanned every single piece of make up. Something that looked like a pencil immediately caught my attention. Mom always used it to darken her eye brows. I did the same. To my horror, my lack of experience and knowledge caused me big time: My brows were freakishly dark all of a sudden.

I thought to myself, "If mommy finds out I’m a goner" Quickly, I ran into the bathroom, took my dad’s shave and erased all evidence that I’ve ever used or touch my mom’s make up. After washing my face, happily I went about with what I did best: Mess up the house.

It was late in the evening and I was wondering why my parents took so long that day. I watched TV to kill time, flipping through almost every single channel available then (there were only three channels, excluding the black and white screens). An hour later, my dad honked as a signal to open the gates. Let’s pause a moment. I’m a person who doesn’t like being alone in the house for long periods of time. And when my parents came home, especially my mom, I’d be ready to pounce into their arms to welcome them home. Only difference this time was, I was naughty at home and thought all evidence that pointed out my mischieviousness was eradicated. Happily I thought, "HEHE… Mom won’t know a thing. Dad wouldn’t even notice." (Continue)

So I opened the gate, they parked the car and entered the house. Come to think of it, it was kinda funny that my parents didn’t notice a thing… Hmmm… I was ready to enter the house only to see the horrified expression on my parents’ faces. My dad was about to laugh when my mom asked, "JOHN!! What happened to your eye brows?" "I dunno… They’re there what. You just can’t see them." Embarrassing moment, BIG TIME. Of course, I later admitted that I shaved it off… Cuz I didn’t put my dad’s shave back to its original place. And you know what the funny thing is? This happened twice.

It’s been years after that incident and I never lost my eye brows. As I grew, though, they became thicker and darker. I didn’t mind the whole thing at first until I met my ex’s facial therapist about a year and a half ago. She told me that having slightly thinner eye brows actually enhances the eyes’ features. Skeptical as I was I didn’t but the story but gave it a shot anyway. To my surprise, she was right… Only that my brows were slightly thinner. I was happy about it until it started growing again and it made me look funny. So I went back for a second visit and specifically mentioned that I wanted my brows done properly. She did a good job and I learned to maintain it from then on.

Maintenance went well… At least for one full year. And then the unimagined happened. Just this evening when I was showering, I pain stakingly trimmed off the tiny hairs just above my eyes using some facial cleaser and a shave. Left side done. Yay. Right side to go and… Darn! Cleanser in eyes! First thing that came to my mind was to rinse my eyes but no… I just had to finish the right side… Only with my eyes SHUT! Fine. One stroke and I rinsed my face.

Lo and behold, you must be imagining what my expression was when I looked into the mirror only to find a small patch of my right eye brow MISSING. This is SO not happening but it happened. I almost broke into tears and immediately lost my appetite for dinner. I slept.. Till about 9pm… With horrified thoughts of how my day would actually begin and end tomorrow… More so since I have a lunch appointment! Wa……!!!!!!!!!!!

Accidents happen. But not like this. Seriously.